dreaming of a dream

"I have learned, that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours."
-Henry David Thoreau

something that sweeps me out of consciousness, into a bliss unattainable in this world, a picture of hope. a glimpse so real, I can practically taste the salty sweat coming down m face. ever had those dreams that are so real you awake and are amazed to find yourself in a "normal" place? those seem to be ordinary for me. i actually had one just last night.

but better yet, have you had a dream about a dream? as you drift off, all you can picture is something so brilliant, so desireable, it can only be but a fleeting wish, outside hope, a dream within your dream.

i am currently having a dream of a dream. i had the awesome please of going on my second young life camp as a leader. that place, that 1/52 of my year is my dream. everything seems so beautiful, so peaceful, so set apart, so holy. and yet i still return home to the same stress, same struggles, same mental anguish, that week seems so far away.

it must be a dream. . . . .

so now i sit at home, one early saturday morning dreaming of that place that seems that it can only be a dream. now it is that much more special to me, that much more meaningful, that much more honored. i cherish my dreams, even the ones that come to live. don't forget that dreams are real, can come true and do happen for all of us. but more importantly, don't forget the dreams that come true. don't overlook how amazing and how awesome that dream that came to life felt, smelled, looked. God's sliver of heaven that He allows us to experience is meant to show us the best sides of this gift He's given us called 'life.' let those memories ring violently so that those images, those friends, those experiences never leave. when you remember those, you live in God's promise.

sexy thoughts

when you think of the word 'sexy,' what first comes to mind? is it a scantily clad body walking down the street? a provocative picture? an action or scene? a specific person?

i think this word is very interesting for many reasons. 1. it is taboo, so no one, especially Christians, never talk about it in a intellectual conversation; 2. everyone has a different concept come to mind when that word comes up. even just narrowing the thought to human attraction, we all have a very unique idea of what is 'sexy' to us.

but 'sexy' means a lot more than a driving emotional urge we feel, it is a much deeper conflict that is within us. 'sexy' is something that is captivating, that diverts our attention, something that fights our own logical, rational thinking. 'sexy' is something we want, strive to achieve, just want to touch once. but why do specific jobs, fast cars, beautiful mates, a relaxing lifestyle become the only things that we see as 'sexy?'

why cant music be 'sexy?' (and no i am not talking abut "bow-chicka-wow-wow" music) why can't helping your neighbor mow their grass be 'sexy?' why can't eating healthy when the fast food restaurant across the street is beckoning you, be 'sexy?'why can't always making the correct decision despite fighting your every impulse not to, be 'sexy?' it seems that 'sexy' things satisfy us on such a impatient, selfish, gratifying level. now does that mean ice cream cones are now banned because sometimes i have a sultry dream about them? H-E-double hockey sticks NO! but it may show you what that ice cream cone means to you if that is true.

'sexy' things should not be outlawed by any means. Jesus thought of many things as 'sexy.' but His things that were 'sexy' are not typically what we think of as 'sexy.' He thought a sick, hurting, persistent outcast of a woman just longing for one touch to be 'sexy;' hearing the truth from a then hated, emotionally oppressed woman trying to get some water; a man who claims to follow Him come to grips with his faults even when Jesus predicted he would do it; Jesus thought the people re-believing in God's kingdom was 'sexy.'

i wish i continually found those things exhilarating, glamorous, appealing, exiting, and 'sexy.' but the best part about it all, it is easily possible for us to have that unique vision. many great humanitarians, world-servants, and ordinary people decided to have an un-ordinary vision of the 'sexy' things in the world. we need not to change our vision, but just allow our eyes to see the attractive beauty in the aspects of life God lays on our hearts. find His passion within you, and you will see all that is 'sexy.'

trapped

what for you is the worst part about feeling trapped? is it the loneliness? the anger of being caught? the fact/need of asking for help? the frustration of the inability to solve it yourself? i think for me, it is actually the thought that i see i am ensnared and know that it is inescapable. the fact that no matter what you do, you will remain in the same place where you are currently entrapped. the cage encircles, holds you down and is relentlessly resisting the freedom you desire.

the pains anyone who lives and breathes. it is not solely for those who have an addiction, who relive the same errors and/or decisions over again, or those who thrash in the water only to see themselves drown faster. we all have times where we feel cornered, threatened, and overtaken. for some, this feeling or actuality happens more often than others, but either way we all as humans have the desire to release from this oppression, aka, to be free.

the scariest scenarios are usually the ones where we are not in control. if you're a control freak like me, you mentally prepare/predict an outcome before it even happens. just like the boy scout motto (which i never was), i always must be prepared. why? who knows . . . . lack of trust in people, over-dependence on my abilities, timeliness in production, standards of perfection that are unattainable, and the list keeps growing as i get older. the fact is that continuing in such a manner only allows me to be trapped by my own doing. at some point, failure will happen, and since my dependence is solely on myself and my abilities, i look to myself to fix the situation, the very situation i got myself into (btw if you followed that last line without flinching, double-taking, or re-reading, you are the champion of over complicated sentences).

i started reading a new book today called "crazy love" by francis chan, some pastor in so cal somewhere. i pulled a lot of things away from it, but there are a few main thoughts i wanted to share, culminating with the last one. enjoy:

"There is an epidemic of spiritual amnesia going around, and none of us are immune. No matter how many fascinating details we learn about God's creation . . . we still forget.

. . .

It confuses us when loving God is hard. Shouldn't it be easy to love a God so wonderful? When we love God because we feel we SHOULD love Him, instead of genuinely loving out of out true selves, we have forgotten who God really is. Our amnesia is flaring up again.

It may sound "un-Christian" to say that on some mornings I don't feel like loving God, or I just forget to. But I do. In our world, where hundreds of things distract us from God, we have to intentionally and consistently remind ourselves of Him." - pg. 29
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"I used to believe that in this world there are two kinds of people: natural worriers and naturally joyful people. I couldn't help it that I was the worrying kind. I'm a problem solver, so I have to focus on things that need fixing. God can see that my intensity and anxiety are ministry related. I worry because I take His work seriously.

Right?

But then there's that perplexing command: 'REJOICE IN THE LORD ALWAYS. I will say it again: Rejoice!' (Phil.4:4) You'll notice that it doesn't end with '. . .unless you're doing something extremely important.' No, it's a command for all of us, and it follows with the charge, 'Do not be anxious in anything' (v.6)

. . .

Worry implies that we don't quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what's happening in our lives.

Stress says that things we are involved in are important enough to merit our impatience, our lack of grace towards others, or out tight grip of control." -pgs. 41-42
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"Ultimately, I have just as little control over my own life and what will happen to me. Isn't the easiest thing at this point to start living in a guarded, safe, controlled way? To stop taking risks and to be ruled by our fears of what could happen?

Turning inward is one way to respond; the other is to acknowledge our lack of control and reach out for God's help.

If life were stable, I'd never need God's help. Since it's not, I reach out for Him regularly. I am thankful for the unknowns and that I don't have control, because that makes me run to God." - pg 45