multiple conjectures

ever have the feeling like you need to add back to society? does that remain as an ongoing need for you?

i can't help but feel the need for some importance, some value to this world on a large scale. i think everyone at some point goes through this, and although a lot of people may describe my current profession as impacting, highly valued, or may be even personally meaningful, i still have yet to completely feel this. yes i do have moments of almost divine appointment to which i can see and even feel a sense of either accomplishment or satisfaction in the knowledge that i am adding back. but those normally come few and far between the moments of disappointment, discouragement, doubt, and dissatisfaction (i thought i should keep with the d's after the first two).

it can even come to the point where i can feel as though as i am using the world, that i am taking resources, energy and sapping the world with my existence. sometimes i just see others add can notice accomplishments, passions, impact that they have on others. it seems to me that their life, in a way, has more meaning.

now i am not just trying to be self-deprecating or even humble, but there are thoughts that occur in me from time to time. i know i am a man with many talents/giftings/desires and that God has blessed me with those. I am always in search for how to use all of these sides of me, but i don't believe i have completely found that scenario or even what that scenario could be yet.

but as i said, there are multiple questions. i am also in a situation where i feel there is a no-win situation. and yet i am left in the role of decision making. on one hand, many people will be disappointed and will also be in need of a tremendous amount of re-routing. the other scenario contains a lot more of hard work and a lot more fickle outcome. so along with all the other decisions running through my head, yet another one is added on to the pile.

pray.