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today was a day of days. it was annual meeting day, it was a partial farewell for a dearly loved youth leader, it was a birthday of some guy i know, but more than it all, it was the end of my vow.

i have been in the midst of a period where i decided to take a small step of faith and look for the favor and be separated for God. now, i am hairless, more so than normal. this has been a stretching and quite a shedding (sorry for the pun) time for me. i actually can see a lot more of who i am, and who i desire to be. the best part is that they are beginning to meet.

i hope this experience for me causes all those who see me, ask about it, wonder why the heck this lunatic has shaved his head, may be encouraged, called, and challenged to follow God's calling no matter how ridiculous you look, how much you desire not to do it, or what other's may think of you.

Mark 12:28-33; Psalm 40:1-8; Jeremiah 20:10-13; Psalm 63:1-8

quoted

i read this today and just thought it is worthy of sharing. it comes from a book written by Peter Greig discussing the unanswered prayer. my mother gave it to me to read along as she gave one to my aunt who is going through some real rough times. it is kinda lengthy, put it is the promise of God to us. read on:

"God loves you, not just out of a divine duty to love people whether He likes them or not. He loves you passionately with relentless fascination because it is the great delight of His being to do so. The God of the cosmos thinks you are amazing. You! Not just some heavenly, idealized version of the person you might one day become. You - the person who does such stupid things. You - the one with a peculiar sense of humor. You - the one with bad hair, bad breathe and bad desires."

the author ends the chapter with a paraphrasing of Romans 8:38-39. just a little bit of good news for a new day. . .

off my chest, man!!

one last thing that has annoyed me for some while (other than the bureaucracy of church) has to do with a lack of intensity.

i love when people go over the line, either good or bad, because both bring out action. i love excitement, i love passion, i love enthusiasm, i love "love!" these emotions cannot be contained by our human shells that we use daily, we always feel the need to spread it to others. i try my best to show it, although my words get in the way of my message.

so i feel there is a lack of intensity in us as believers. i can only speak to those that i interact with on a more regular basis (so this is not like world-wide church). but i feel as though it has become routine. our prayer are fervent, we are faithful to God in tithing and service, yet all at the same time we don't truly experience a living God.

what do i mean. . .

let me use an example.

when was the last time you heard someone scream for God? you know, just let out a good cheer for Yahweh? have you heard someone scream for a sports team recently? how can we cheer for men (or women, i guess) playing a sport, but not for an impossible act of love from God????

ok, lets get a little more practical. . .

when was the last time you heard someone take a fast? fasting was a common occurrence in the early church, a.k.a. prayer AND fasting. yet it seems that we corporately have released that command/tradition/sacrifice to yield to our complacency, our shelters, our box for God.

i believe God is calling us back to intimacy. i believe He wants more than just our words and deeds, HE WANTS US. we need to be not just saying the words, doing good works, those are all great, but we must seek God with ALL, does it say all, yes ALL your heart, ALL your mind, and ALL you soul (Matthew 22:37, Deuteronomy 4:29), not just out perfect appearances and tempered expressions, but in our tearful brokenness, in our screaming excitement, in our somber meditation, in our leaping joy. i would include all these in ALL of my heart, mind, soul, etc; and i know it is within yours. so my call is that of the U.S. Army sometime ago, to "be all you can be," no hiding, no timidness, to honor God in ALL He has given you!

Matthew 16:21-28; Galatians 2:17-21; Ephesians 2:8,9; Titus 3:3-8

dependant upon generosity

is it fun to be taken advantage of?

do you enjoy it?

i believe the term we as humans have developed this would be "not fair." hearing the cries of children as their toy is taken from them, not because they cared for the object that greatly, or because removing that object took a piece of their person away from them, mostly their grief is because of their desire has been interrupted. they scream because in their mind, it is outside of the guidelines of the nature of that moment of that time. it is un-natural, un-thinkable, it is not within their power, it is not fair.

if we all acknowledge that being mistreated, used, abused, and that whole idea is bad, how can we grow dependent on grace?

God has birthed a great and profound realization that gives us a new chance at life, a new chance to show our fervor, a new opportunity to show our allegiance. but have we grown dependent on it? do we knowingly see this gift that has been given to us and then make or maintain a decision/mindset/frame of thinking that always trusts that that promise will be there? do we take advantage of God?

what if that gift was not there anymore?

what if God decided to retract the concept of accepting grace, would the knowledge of that change our actions/ideas/mentality? if so, how dare we.

a gift so precious, so easily accepted, so easily used. i hope to be an advocate for God that understands the implication of repentance, that they are not meaningless words, or broken-heartedness, or even just a pact of transformation. there is a cosmic shift, a galactic tear in the spiritual plane that God decides to erase, not because He is told to, not because He has to, but because He loves us, and that is all.

in this Easter season, we may know about God's sacrifice, we see articles on His power, hear sermons on His grace, but don't let that be the end. we can always look at the statistics, the reasoning, the story, the movies and yet miss the whole idea of it. God's power, God's living giving aura, the same spirit that raised Christ from the dead, is for you, is IN you.

God not only has allowed us to be made whole again, to put back the pieces in an amazing comic way, He gives us more, overflowing us with that power can bring the dead to life (physically and spiritually). That same spirit resides in those who beg for repentance.

i never wish to remove, affect, infringe on that power, that life, that glimpse of God that lives within me. yes, i will screw up at some point, but may i never take advantage of that grace again.

Romans 8:9-11, Colossians 2:9-15.

a regrown toe

well i'm happy to say all, in perfect timing, i officially have a fully regrown toenail.

yes that is right, it has been either completely absent or abnormally been growing for he past 8 months and finally now i can see a complete, whole, unaffected toenail.

it is kinda nice looking down at your feet and seeing two big toes that look the same. you kinda take it for granted until one of your toes becomes a hideous monster from the abyss. but now, i am all set.

of course, the soccer season is coming up just in time, what great timing. (for those that don't know, the last soccer season was the reason why my toenail fell off)

an un-normal announcement

i dont know how to bring this up in a conversation of normal circumstances, so i decided to announce it this way.

what is the hardest vow for you to keep? what is the hardest promise for you to keep? for me, it is the vow that i am constantly aware of everyday, because most likely that means that if i am aware of it everyday, that it is something that i am not enjoying.

this past week, i decided to do something i never tried before. i decided to take a vow for God, specifically a Nazaritic vow. if you want to understand it, Numbers 6 would be where you want to read. and i had to do some interpretations as to how a new covenant Christian can do an old testament vow. so there is some adaption, but the main part is being kept (no, sorry, i will not be sacrificing any animals).

it is extremely hard for me already, and this is day 5. i am not a man who really cares a lot about my appearance clothes wise, but i hate my hair and facial hair (or lack there of). so this is truly stretching me. i long to have the favor of the Lord and hope that this will help in that pursuit.

Poker = Life

it is great getting together with old friends, reliving some memories and just livin it up. i had a few of those nights recently where we got some poker going on, it was great, until the poker started. one of my worst nights ever playing poker, not because i was playing bad, because nothing was going my way. hands that i was supposed to win, i didn't, and hands that were a toss up, landed on their side.

i'm ok with losing at poker, but driving home, something resonated within me how much my perception of my life seemed exactly how my poker experience was. i could do many things to try and create a better chance for me to have success, but you still need to have the "cards fall" in the right places for it to truly succeed. and to me, my life is without the things that i value the most. so this along with my poker abilities, seemed to be so unfair that God and i had a talk (a.k.a. me yelling, Him sitting around and listening, as always).

He is very good at reminding, that helps me a lot. so i had all these thoughts throughout my head this weekend and this morning, pastor in adding to his message, spoke of a verse that i had placed by the wayside in my "conversation" with Yahweh, "not my will, but your will."

and i said ouch.

as much as that grumbling will always be within me, it is the daily struggle to realize that it is not about my desires or any specific idea i may have that would benefit my life, it is about honoring God's will in my life, in those around me.

i hope you all remember that phrase as we live, complain, long and grumble throughout daily existence.