continually given

here's a question you will never be able to answer:

how many gifts are you given daily?

now don't we wish they were all something we desire, like money, a new car, free time for us to do what we want, or for some off us, new xbox 360 games! well unless you have a birthday everyday, that doesn't happen to you. the gifts i talk about are the things we take for granted.

today i was reminded how many of these i overlook. i always try to remind myself of
how much i rely on God's grace and goodness rather than how i provide for myself. today, i have little food in the house, but i have the luxury to go outside, fill my tank full of gas and go get me some lunch. i also had the chance to go apply for another position. i dislike the motional rollercoaster of "job hunting," but the fact is that the more i seem to wait, the more perfect the newer position seems to be fitting for me (at least in my eyes). well i pray God continues to provide amazing opportunities for me to serve in His kingdom on earth.

but many of these things i always overlook. i just always pull out the credit card throw it on the counter and come back to my comfortable home to live, play and eat. if i had no credit card, if i had no money for gas, if i had no car. . . . what would my life be like, would i praise God the same, would i thank Him the same?

my verse(s) for today come from Hebrews, an greatly challenging and comforting book. One of the greatest chapters to me is Hebrews 11. Faith in itself always perplexes me, but this chapter always challenges me to continually trust as those before me did. But that is not the section i want to focus on.

one of the most helpful verses come in the transition after chapter 11, in the first few verses of chapter 12. these verses call us to throw off the things that we can get trapped in, set our eyes upon the One who provides true life and learn from His example as it was on earth. Many, many, many preachers have used this before, but i have noticed something quite unique about this small passage.

this is a transition into a new thought, from learning about faith and seeing great examples of what true faith is. but what is the author now focusing to?

discipline.

as we see later on, that is the author's goal. such amazing challenge to persevere comes to those who are not perfect, those who are struggling with sin, it is mentioned for those who are in the midst of discipline. discipline is very unpleasant and can cause a lot of backlash and arguing and other negative emotions, even to the point of total seclusion. but we see God's reasoning for discipline for us:

"Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." (vs. 10-11)

discipline is always unwanted (especially by me), but God does it to bring is closer to Him, to purify us, to multiply our effectiveness, etc. we would better off after the fact. let us seek to be willingly disciplined to extreme measures as we focus on the Author, Perfecter, and Executor of our cocooning discipline process.

a short, long week

i am not allowed to complain this week.

i worked a half day at the computer today, with occasional entertainment breaks. tomorrow, staff meeting in which i am only allowed to be a part of it as Pastor Matt is taking me out since the new youth pastor is coming to meet with the staff. needless to say the day will go by pretty fast since i won't be in the office that much. i will not be going in on wednesday, since the entirety of the youth service will be run by the new youth pastor and then i am off to DE.

so it is short in the amount of work hours completed, but long in the mental hours of anguish i will put myself through.

i know the pain of David as he wrote in Psalm 39. i'm sure my pain and anguish is not as great as what David went through, but i can relate to the words he spoke.

more importantly is not what he wrote down as he told God, "Look away from me, that I may rejoice again before I depart and am no more," but is what follows it:

"I waited patiently for the LORD; He turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire;
He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand . . . You are my help and my Deliverer; O my God, do not delay."

well done David. i agree, amen.

we all must keep hold of the promises of הוה, YHWH, God of All, whether in good times or in bad, He still presides over all.

i leave with a promise mentioned in Isaiah 42. He writes:

"I [the LORD] will lead the blind by ways they have not known,
along unfamiliar paths I will guide them;
I will turn the darkness into light before them
and make the rough places smooth.
These are the things I will do;
I will not forsake them."


may i be blind Lord.

realized fears

today was the day when realization sunk in.

today i found out when my last day will be. up till this point, it has always been a hypothetical, "yeah, this is going to happen, but that is far off in the future" and it never really sunk in. having to announce to the group tonight that the new person will be here next week to visit, and then having to answer questions i did not have answers to, rips me apart.

it is amazing how much control i do not have over my life, and this situation makes all of that so much more apparent. i live in a structured environment and am given many gifts in order to sustain my existence. the ability to eat when i want to, the ability to purchase items at my own convenience, the ability to have a place to call home, the occurrence of having people care for you so much that they go out of their way to ask if i need anything. like i always say, you don't know what you have until you don't have it.

well as much as i want to (and occasionally do) worry and try to figure out what my near future holds, all i can say is God is in control and that He will always prove Himself faithful.

"i'm finding myself, in a loss for words, and the funny thing is, it's ok. the last thing i need, is to be heard, but to hear, what You would say. . . .
Word of God speak, would you pour down like rain, washing my eyes to see Your majesty. To be still and know, that Your in THIS place, please let me stay and rest, in Your holiness."
- lyrics from "Word of God Speak" by MercyMe