turning the page

well happy new year everyone! my how i notice the years are beginning to pick up speed with my age. it is quite amazing to realize a whole year has passed, but i am happy to see a new year from.

i was thinking, what is so different from this night than any other night??? the sun sets as normal, the moon. . .still there, it is a bit colder than normal, but other than that, tonight physically is no different than any other night.

what makes it so special is the hope.

looking forward to midnight represents options, possibilities, and even just new ways of thinking give us hope. it is like an awesome story that we are reading when it takes a bad turn, the villain begins winning, the protagonist seems trapped beyond help, the helpless dame is . . . . helpless, when all of the sudden:

the page turns.

even just the site of the next chapter gives us the hope that it can all change. that is what makes this night so much different than any other.

i welcome a new chance to serve, to love, to risk, to be healthier, to stretch myself, and to follow my God better than i did that last chapter.

here's to hoping all of your resolution, desires and hopes for this year come true.

Proverbs 23:18, 1 Peter 1:3, Jeremiah 29:11, Romans 15:13

an annoying sense of trust

well to those of you that actually read this jumble of randomness, you prob have noticed a severe lack of posts recently. that is not by mistake or lack of material.

as many of you know i have not had a job in a long while, more importantly, i did not have a purpose, a reason for life. it was eating me inside, that me a man who decided to set his life away from his desires to become a servant of God could be abandoned and left out for the ravens of doubt and hopelessness to eat me alive.

well the GREAT news is, i do have a job now, working with Young Life. i am extremely excited about this opportunity to join their team. but what i have not told many people was what was hinging on this position.

before i continue on, i need to confess something. one of my greatest weaknesses is my inability to trust. it is hard for me to continually allow someone to influence my life. i fear abandonment, i fear backstabbing, i fear rejection, i fear being hurt yet again. and my faith is affected by this as well. i can believe in a God who created the universe and made every in it and gave it life and breathe and purpose, that all is very logical to me. but it is hard fro me to believe in a God that desires personal interaction, dedication, and relationship, especially based on my experiences in the far and recent past.

this was my last shot.

i had no intention of being involved in ministry after this position and planned moving home and beginning a new career. this was all set in place to happen january 1st and everything was set in place, from living to jobs etc. this position at Young Life was the ultimate chance to remain to the calling i had received as a young lad.

this is why i call it the most annoying sense of trust. i am so glad that God continues to care for me and gives me another chance to minister to others around me. i was not looking forward to the man i planned on being, i would much rather be paid poorly and know that i can change lives for the better.

so what does all this mean for you all reading this, i'll tell you. don't ever quit on God, because He will never quit on you. through 10 months of doubt, failure, cursing, unbelief, and hopelessness, i was so close to giving up. but right at the point where there seemed no return, God picks up the pieces of a life that had been shattered and not only puts them together again, but makes them into a new beautiful masterpiece. as i read through Zechariah today hearing of people who felt the same after 70 years of nothingness and torment, being uplifted to know of a new temple is to be built. but how, "Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit."