i am a tree . . . . .

what words come to your head when you see this picture?


-pause-


-think of them-


-visualize them-


i have loved this picture for a long time now, had it framed and have it hanging in my room, but i never understood why.

well one day, i was hanging around after work at my office when this understanding hit me. to set the backdrop, our office is on the second floor and we have two windows, and one window looks out over the parking lot. in that room is the most comfortable chair in the office, an old lounge chair that faces the window.

so this late afternoon day, everyone has left, i sit down, put my ipod on and just stare into the gray, empty and dreary overcast day that it was. well something i had never noticed caught my eye. there is a tree just outside the window, skying above the building, just left of my window. it has been cold for some while, so the tree is stripped bear of its leaves, fruits or other colorful life.

it looks dead.

but its not. its actually quite alive, but there is no sign of visible life. if you cut the tree, you would find green blood flowing through it, and if you left the cut alone, you would find it would heal. so bland, so dull, so empty, yet such a beautiful view of survival.

thre tree cannot sustain life if it keeps its leave through the winter, especially since it is placed in the frozen tundra of minnesota. it sheds itself of the extra, unnecessary for living parts of it so that i can bloom another year.

that is me.

totally me. even though my color, my life-giving leaves, all my visual signs of life are gone, i still have life beating within me, sustaining me through the winter of my life. i've gone through many difficult times in my life, where i felt abandoned, alone, fenced in, hopeless, but yet i never felt dead. i have always lived through it and found better life on the other side through time, where i have been able to blossom again.

what a unique time now, after multiple inches of snow falling again last night reminding me of the ongoing winter that never seems to end, but yet a holiday in which we take time to remember life that was sacrificially given to us. there is life in midst of lifelessness. just feel the beating life within you, know the eternal life given to you, and receive the greatest gift ever given, a gift of true life.

Source: Solitude by David Lorenz Winston

"Put your trust in the Lord . . . . . . . . . . . . . but your ass is mine."

anyone know the quote?

today i read a great chapter on prayer and want to share it with you. it is another glimpse of the book "dangerous prayer" by a Catholic priest, William O'Malley. and what better to celebrate st. patrick's day than to talk about a fellow irishman's writing.

in one of the chapters i read, O'Malley discusses the personal aspect of prayer and the usual expectation that humans put onto their own prayers. it is amazing how complex we make it, how desperate we make it, when in its essence it is nothing of the sort.

the author makes a excellent recurring reminder throughout the book that prayer is not meant for daily wish lists, continuing bantering like a one-way conversation, or even recounting some awesome understanding or revelation every time we take time to pray. rather it is just a time spend time with the amazing Creator who desires to spend time with you. it is good to hear those words that i forget so easily.

remember why you pray, not what you are praying for.

quotes:

"'Oh God, please make me less weak, less prone to temptation!' or 'Oh God, don't let my mother die!' or, 'Oh God, please end this war!' All of these begin to sound like attempts to remind a God who has grown absent-minded in old age that we are in need of help." (65)

"I think it is even worth picking our words carefully when we make such prayers of petition, so we actually do recognize that we are really asking not for a miracle but for the support of a Friend, the awareness of God's presence as we ourselves try to understand and cope and for the ability to see this event not from our cramped this-world point of view but from God's point of view." (68)

forcing desires

have you ever wanted something so bad that you manipulate things/people around you to get it?

even just saying that out loud makes it seem kinda selfish, but i don't it is all that bad. but what sucks the most is when even after all your effort, forethought, desire, you still don't get what you were looking for.

so today i tried this, on a small scale. i decided today was going to be warm how did i make this happen? easy, flip flops. in combination with open sunroofs, windows down all the way, it still does not increase the temperature as i thought it would.

annoying.

i do this pretty often actually. i seem to try to change things in order to get my way. but then there are times like this moment in time where i sit and wonder why nothing is ever good enough. why can't i be satisfied? i buy a new computer, then wonder why i didn't get a laptop. i have a car to call my own, then look over one lane and want that car more than mine.

i hope one day to understand the correct amount of acting on desire vs. contentment. the problem is i'm pretty sure i never will. here are my words to myself, be thankful for what you have and not be inefficient with it, but continue to push the envelope for more.

huh?

"what the %@*#, harwood? you make no sense."

clearly, but that is not the point. it would be unbiblical for us to just sit on what we have and not use what we have to get more (read here). but there are also many sayings that speak against greed and envy. i love paradox, but not when i have to deal with it and have to personally process it. so much work. and brain farts.

the best question to judge yourself with is what is your purpose for it? do you want a bigger, sweeter ride b/c you would look good in it, or b/c you can car pool with more people. or a more portable computer b/c it is lighter and everyone else has one, or b/c you can be more reliable and be more than one places at once. or in Jesus' example, do you want it for personal wealth, or to honor the request given to you by your master.

judge yourself so you can grow.