trapped

what for you is the worst part about feeling trapped? is it the loneliness? the anger of being caught? the fact/need of asking for help? the frustration of the inability to solve it yourself? i think for me, it is actually the thought that i see i am ensnared and know that it is inescapable. the fact that no matter what you do, you will remain in the same place where you are currently entrapped. the cage encircles, holds you down and is relentlessly resisting the freedom you desire.

the pains anyone who lives and breathes. it is not solely for those who have an addiction, who relive the same errors and/or decisions over again, or those who thrash in the water only to see themselves drown faster. we all have times where we feel cornered, threatened, and overtaken. for some, this feeling or actuality happens more often than others, but either way we all as humans have the desire to release from this oppression, aka, to be free.

the scariest scenarios are usually the ones where we are not in control. if you're a control freak like me, you mentally prepare/predict an outcome before it even happens. just like the boy scout motto (which i never was), i always must be prepared. why? who knows . . . . lack of trust in people, over-dependence on my abilities, timeliness in production, standards of perfection that are unattainable, and the list keeps growing as i get older. the fact is that continuing in such a manner only allows me to be trapped by my own doing. at some point, failure will happen, and since my dependence is solely on myself and my abilities, i look to myself to fix the situation, the very situation i got myself into (btw if you followed that last line without flinching, double-taking, or re-reading, you are the champion of over complicated sentences).

i started reading a new book today called "crazy love" by francis chan, some pastor in so cal somewhere. i pulled a lot of things away from it, but there are a few main thoughts i wanted to share, culminating with the last one. enjoy:

"There is an epidemic of spiritual amnesia going around, and none of us are immune. No matter how many fascinating details we learn about God's creation . . . we still forget.

. . .

It confuses us when loving God is hard. Shouldn't it be easy to love a God so wonderful? When we love God because we feel we SHOULD love Him, instead of genuinely loving out of out true selves, we have forgotten who God really is. Our amnesia is flaring up again.

It may sound "un-Christian" to say that on some mornings I don't feel like loving God, or I just forget to. But I do. In our world, where hundreds of things distract us from God, we have to intentionally and consistently remind ourselves of Him." - pg. 29
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"I used to believe that in this world there are two kinds of people: natural worriers and naturally joyful people. I couldn't help it that I was the worrying kind. I'm a problem solver, so I have to focus on things that need fixing. God can see that my intensity and anxiety are ministry related. I worry because I take His work seriously.

Right?

But then there's that perplexing command: 'REJOICE IN THE LORD ALWAYS. I will say it again: Rejoice!' (Phil.4:4) You'll notice that it doesn't end with '. . .unless you're doing something extremely important.' No, it's a command for all of us, and it follows with the charge, 'Do not be anxious in anything' (v.6)

. . .

Worry implies that we don't quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what's happening in our lives.

Stress says that things we are involved in are important enough to merit our impatience, our lack of grace towards others, or out tight grip of control." -pgs. 41-42
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"Ultimately, I have just as little control over my own life and what will happen to me. Isn't the easiest thing at this point to start living in a guarded, safe, controlled way? To stop taking risks and to be ruled by our fears of what could happen?

Turning inward is one way to respond; the other is to acknowledge our lack of control and reach out for God's help.

If life were stable, I'd never need God's help. Since it's not, I reach out for Him regularly. I am thankful for the unknowns and that I don't have control, because that makes me run to God." - pg 45