things i already know

every once in a while, you get a different view of something you had already seen, already done, already known. maybe that's why i love sportcenter so much. i sit there , watch um-teen hours or sports and as soon as the game is over, flip it to sportscenter so i can see the replays of the game i just watched. welcome to a guy's life.

but i think it is that different perspective that we desire to see. we know our own experiences very well, matter of fact we are experts at our own life. i have 26 years of experiences seeing through matt johnson's eyes, but what do other people see. so we look for advisors, mentors, coaches, or even just good friends to help us out with these "visions." but like i said every once in a while, you get a chance to see the same thing you've seen before in a whole different light.

so as you probably can tell, it is 6:00 am and i am writing this listening to jazz, something not in my daily routine. another wonderful night of no sleep.

oh boy.

so i decided to take advantage of it, have a sit down with physical nourishment (honey nut cheerios) and life nourishment (la Bible). and in my readings, read over Matthew 14-15. i re-learned a lot of things, too many for this poor attempt at speaking God's truth. Jesus' compassion for others in His mourning moment, a revolutionary concept taught to the disciples, the dude freaking walking on water!!! and the analogy of that to our daily lifestyles, or even just hearing the story of Jesus calling a woman a dog. all of these things could be expounded on, but the one that stood out was an overarching one.

the disciples are freaking idiots. (in the nice sense. . . )

by this point they all knew who Jesus was, even saw miracles along the way prior to these events, so you think they have some concept of Jesus, His authority, or even His nature.

nope.

they end up feeding anywhere between 10,000 to 20,000 people with a combination of 12 loaves of bread and 5-6 fish (with leftovers to spare), He is healing people left and right (at one point we find out for 3 days straight) directly after a mass feeding in immense proportion, He walks to them while they are on the middle of a lake in the midst of a storm, and yet they still worry about other things around them.

after Jesus gets done ripping into the hypocritical teachers of the law, what is the first thing His disciples do? 'Jesus, you know you hurt their feelings.'

are you serious?

and then continue to ask what His parable He just taught means. not to mention a few verses later, after feeding a larger crowd with small proportions, ask how they are going to feed the crown Jesus asked them to feed.

this gives me hope. i know that seems weird because i devote myself to the teachings of these same disciples, but it does. even those that were next to The I Am, still were constantly bombarded by worry, people-pleasing, and even just general dullness as Jesus puts it. i do wonder at times how faithful i am because these things happen to me on a daily basis. do i honor God with my unstableness? with my unwillingness? with my doubt? even with my stupidity? the fact that the eyewitnesses to new life and new hope for the world can be misled at times, gives me confidence that i too can follow directly in His footsteps. peter, probably Jesus' biggest project while He was on earth, ended up becoming the leader of the church. if all you read were the gospels and had to pick a disciple who would lead the church, you would laugh if i told you it was peter.

so in this long-winded, rambling nothingness, take hope that even thought we may doubt ourselves, our missions/callings/direction, God still the greatest hope for us. He has not quit on us, and so we should not either. even the disciples were men. the only difference between you and i and them is sportcenter. continue the fight.

Phillipians 2:12-13; Ephesians 6:12